Friday, March 28, 2008

It's not about us

It's about Omar. Whatever happens, Beth and I will be fine. It would totally suck if we didn't get him. We would be devastated. In fact, not getting him would totally challenge my conception of reality. But, after some significant mourning time, we would survive.

It's Omar we worry about. He's the one who had a shitty start to his life. He's the one who needs a little extra loving. And, he's the one who now needs to be in stable permanent home, where he can continue to get the love and attention he's received in foster care.

Omar's the one who will not at all understand, if we don't "get him", why these people who say they love him, who say they are his friends, suddenly vanish from his life.

Omar's the one who really needs your thoughts and prayers. Him, and all the kids, big and little, zero to eighteen, boys and girls, in foster homes and shelters, who are lost and scared and who don't understand why their parents don't love them, who don't understand the hurt they feel, who don't have a forever family or a place to call home - they are the ones who need your support and positive energy.

They are the ones you should be wishing well.


  1. I think its interesting that today you posted this point of view, because as this story unfolds, these other points of view are becoming more of a reality for me. Omar, who knows this affluent couple who are willing to dote on him with promises of the fairytale life that his fellow adopted kids go off to. The birth-parents, who risked losing their probably tenuous jobs to take 3 days off to be in the courthouse for their child. The aunt and uncle, who live next-door and care enough for their sibling that they offer up themselves as a "safe" home for their nephew.
    It makes me realize that in all these situations of mine and yours, us and them, ours and theirs, that someone always looses.
    We can be happy for the winners, but for me, it always comes with some compassion and sadness for the looser.

  2. As our sister-in-law said, there about 3000 sides to each one of these stories and each one of them is correct.

    That said, when I sat in the court room and listened to a mother show no remorse for the trauma she inflicted on her son, I have a hard time finding compassion.

    But yes, there are a lot of losers in this situation and a lot of sadness. However, a four year old is not equipped to handle this kind of loss - adults are. I care a lot less about how the adults are affected by this situation than I do how the kids are affected.