Thursday, March 20, 2008

Over the next few days... brain will be a little detached and I will be riding on, more than living in, my emotions. It's a switch for me. Normally, I am in my feelings, analyzing and disecting every little nuance.

But, right now, the feelings I have to process are too big, and there isn't even really any way to get through them until next week...too many unknowns.

Many of you probably know why I am dealing with some big emotions - I am traveling to Denver Sunday through Wednesday to attend the hearing in which the state is moving to terminate Omar's parents' rights to him.

For those who don't know, Omar is the four year old boy my wife and I hope to adopt. He has been in foster care for two years. We have been interested in adopting Omar since we first learned about him, in August 2006, through one of Beth’s coworkers, who is a close friend of Omar’s foster parents.

Since the first time we saw his picture, we have felt a connection with Omar. As we learned more about this sweet boy, including the difficult circumstances he faced early in life, we decided, if given the chance, we wanted to be Omar’s forever family.

Over the last 18 months, we have gone through foster care licensing and certification, including numerous personal interviews, a home study and 33 hours of parenting classes, all with the end goal in mind of adopting Omar. In February, we became officially certified as a foster-to-adopt home for Omar.

With the approval of Omar’s caseworker, we have traveled several times to visit him in Colorado, including a trip with Omar to the Denver Children’s Museum. And, last spring, the foster family brought Omar along on a family vacation to Arizona. They spent an afternoon at our home, where Omar met our dog, Max, who he still asks about a year later.

We feel a strong, strong connection to him and we are ready for Omar to join our family. We hope to provide the nurturing and support to ensure he will have every opportunity to succeed in life.

It seems like it is all coming down to the judge's decision in court next week. After all this time, after all the work and all the waiting, we are hoping for a decision in our favor.

We are also hopeful, but not 100% sure, that if the judge does move to terminate, that he will also make a permanent placement decision at that time. And of course, we hope that placement is with us!

Ultimately, we want what is in Omar’s best interest. While we believe we can be a great family for him, we know the judge will have a very difficult decision in terminating Omar's parents rights to him.

With all that in mind, these next few days before I travel to Colorado are bound to be a bit nerve wracking! And, I cannot imagine just how nervous I will be sitting in court watching the proceedings - yikes!

I am full of almost equal parts excitement, fear and hope. There is nothing I can really do to process these emotions, as is my preference, I can only wait for the resolution next week (we hope there is a resolution!).

Until then, I am like a computer who's RAM is being taken up by some large, behind-the-scenes process. Things are computing, but maybe a little slower, and the applications I am running are only using the leftover memory. Sort of like playing solitaire while my computer is defragging!

I have no idea what next week will bring. But, Beth and I have high, high hopes for a decision in our favor. Who knows, maybe by this time next week we will be parents and I will be a dad!


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