Sunday, May 18, 2008

The wait continues...


So, when the judge made the decision about Omar's placement he said the state needed to evaluate the fitness of Omar's aunt and uncle as a possible placement for Omar before Omar could be placed with Beth and me. This, despite the fact that his aunt and uncle had Omar when he was first taken from his parents' home and, after pressure from birth-mom and her extended family, they gave Omar back to the parents without court permission. In short, they violated court orders and demonstrated themselves to be unfit to keep Omar safe.

Well, apparently, even though the judge knew all this, he ordered, for reasons beyond our comprehension, that the state just really, really needs to make sure the aunt and uncle were not a fit placement. He then scheduled the court to reconvene in Omar's case in July so he could hear any updates.

For the first couple of weeks after the hearing, the caseworker told us they would approach the aunt and uncle as a formality, and quickly make a motion to the judge telling him that they were unfit. The caseworker told us, even if the aunt and uncle "say" they will be a safe placement, that won't be enough, because of what happened when they initially had Omar. They said once that motion happened, then Omar could come live with us.

Well, it now appears, from my conversation with the foster mom, who talked to the caseworker last week, that they are giving the aunt and uncle until the court reconvenes in July to see if they follow through on any of the promises they are making about taking Omar - learning English, moving away from the parents (they live four doors down), and not having any contact with the parents.

Well, excuse my french, but fuck!

Apparently, the caseworker thinks it makes the case for not giving Omar to the aunt and uncle stronger if they give them until July and can say, "well, see they didn't do what they said they would do..." But, to me it means there is a chance the aunt and uncle will do what they are saying they will do and Omar might actually be placed with them.

I mean, come on! I know enough about their lifestyle from what I witnessed in court to know we are going to be a much better placement for Omar then they would be. Among lots of other reasons, we will keep Omar in contact with his foster parents, with whom he is very close - I mean, they have raised the kid for close more than three years! He loves them and they love him. I know for sure the aunt and uncle won't maintain that bond.

Ugh! It is so frustrating. Because, even if it means the aunt and uncle don't end up with Omar, we have two more months of waiting, two more months of uncertainty and two more months of our next life role, the role we have been waiting for so long to play, being put on hold!

For better or worse, so much of our mental and emotional energy is tied up in being Omar's parents. We are sooooo ready to be parents.

I guess we can only hope it is more waiting, and that when July comes, then finally....well, we have been saying that for a while haven't we, "let's just wait until this day, then....well, let's just wait until this next day, then for sure this time....okay, well, it for sure has to happen on this next day...."

It ain't easy on the ole' ticker. It ain't easy when you know you are ready to be one thing in life, but life just doesn't seem to want to let you be that thing. Especially when it all seems so much out of our control. We are action people, we take charge, we do what we need to do to get what we want. And right now, we are just stuck.

Sigh...

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