Monday, July 28, 2008

Warning: Waxing philosophical while tired may lead to nonsensical rambling and overblown hyperbole


It's my last week before I go back to work and I just don't feel like accomplishing a whole lot. I just want to hang out with Omar at home and tell the rest of the world to go away! While I am looking forward to work and the fulfillment and regular schedule it brings, I am going to deeply miss my days with Omar: the relaxed ease and laughter of swimming in the pool, the fun, engaging and creative bonding activities and the freedom to take my time doing just about everything - because, for the last three weeks, hanging out with Omar is the only thing that matters and deadlines and schedules have become pretty meaningless. Who knows if I will ever have this kind of opportunity again - a month off from work just to hang out with my kid.

Part of me worries if I try to put into words the specialness of this time that I will cheapen its wonder and meaning. Words, as I am sure is cliche, are inadequate to express how much joy I have received in bonding with and learning about my new son. In the same vein, words are also inadequate to express what an incredible soul Omar possesses and how much Beth and I love him. In short, I have had a wonderful time getting to hang out with a fantastic kid!

Another part of me worries if I don't put into words all the wonderful things that happen - the fun things we do, the funny things he says - that I will forget about all the little special things which make me smile every day. I comfort myself with the knowledge that every day will be full of these wonderful moments, whether he is 4 or 40, and I am confident I will forever see him as the special person I see now. It does him no justice if I hold him in the space of a cute little boy forever. I need to appreciate him as a constantly evolving, changing, whole person and love him completely in each moment for who he is in that moment. It's good to remember, but I don't need to cling. I would rather spend time loving him in the now then trying to remember what he did in the then (which might be a good lesson to practice for life in general).

I suppose at this point I might want to talk about something wonderful I have learned in these three weeks of parenthood...if only I could come up with something really grand. But, it seems like anything I could say would be trite and the last thing I want to do is cheapen the wonder of the last three weeks with some cooked up "wisdom" from someone (me) whose parenting experience is limited to a whole huge three weeks. Plus, I am tired and want to go to bed.

So in the absence of my own wisdom, I guess I will rely on a quote told to me by a friend smarter than me that he read from someone smarter than him who has been around a lot longer than any of us:

"The Tao that can be told is not the eternal Tao; The name that can be named is not the eternal name."

So there! Stick that in your wisdom pipe and smoke it! I hope it gives you very sweet dreams...

Good night and lots of love to all you little taoists.

DRB

2 comments:

  1. Re: The Impossibility of Words to Explain; a few quotes:

    "We are tied to a language which makes up in obscurity what it lacks in style." -- The Player, Rosencrantz & Guidenstern Are Dead.

    "The unutterable will be -- unutterably -- contained in what has been uttered." -- Wittgenstein

    "As soon as we really have something to say, we are forced to be silent" -- Fritz Mauthner

    "Language is like a cracked kettle on which we beat out tunes for bears to dance to, while all the time we long to move the stars to pity. -- Gustave Flaubert, Madame Bovary.

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  2. The wonderful thing about words is I can leave out all the parts where he doesn't listen and I get frustrated and I just want to go back to bed and when he paints on walls and loses important, expensive camera battery chargers. Words allow me to only include, and remember, the fun parts! It hasn't been ALL grins and giggles =)

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